I do not know what compelled me to write this. What I do know is that I miss them. Lola Mang was just buried yesterday and it was a very solemn event. I am lost of words now and I am having difficulty organizing my thoughts. Let me try my best.
Maybe the question is how my grandparents were fondly called Lolo Pang and Lola Mang. From what I remember, it was from Papa and Mama. In my earliest recollection I was calling them that eversince I had my first my memory of them. Lolo died years ago and Lola just died last thursday. Two weeks ago, I told my parents that I have been dreaming of Lolo and he just pops out of my head very often. Even if I'm thinking of something else, Lolo just suddenly crosses my mind. Mama adviced me to pray for him.
I grew up in with my parents and grandparents raising me up. I may not have a clear memory of all the significant accounts I had with my grandparents I have enough to make smile and appreciate them more.
Lolo hates being idle, he always have his hands full. Since my school is far our house I remember that Mama usually wakes me up around 4:30am and around that time or even earlier Lolo is already up and is in this part of the house we call the bahaybahayan which is actually a stock room outside the house that has a balcony. Lolo sits there until Lola and Ritchie calls everyone to eat breakfast and then Lolo starts to work in backyard. On weekends I get the chance to wake up later and for some reason my grandfather know when I am up. He would call my fullname around thrice and I already know its time to get up to chat with him. We do that every morning, we talk about just anything. I remember that ny grandfather taught me my first song. Its this folk song "tayo na sa Antipolo".
Lolo always work in the backyard, cuts the grass, fix the fence and everything is measured and calculated. He puts a mark on the part of the yard he's going to work on for the whole day. Then he takes his lunch and siesta. Lolo loves menudo with pickles. He buys or cooks that every sunday. After mass I know that I have a cotton candy to expect. And while eat my cotton candy, Lolo drinks his beer. He also eats balut before he sleeps or as his midnight snack.
I became fond of books and novels because he tagged team with my Mom to make me a voracious reader. I grew up with a different taste in books but I would have not been interested at all if not for him. If he were still here right now he would have been first in the bookstore for the highest selling pocket books. Lolo likes documentaries, military or war novels. We still have with us and maybe I'll start reading his books.
I saw how Lolo passed, and it was devastating to seem him leave and not be able to do anything. Nature calls to maintain the cycle, the balance and maybe it was that time he needs to heed to it. The cosmic power that structured everything. I was not ready to accept it, I denied the very sight that was his rest. I eventually accepted it and yes I was happy that he died peacefully. He is now in a better place.
Lolo Pang is the strongest person I know. When he left nobody calls me karlandrew anymore.
Lola Mang left us just this thursday. Its very saddening, in a way we saw it comming, her age and all. I don't want to go into details on how she passed just the fond memories of her. Lola's funeral was just this wednesday and Tita Carol gave a very emotional eulogy on her. What she said made Lola more special to me than ever. Tita said that Lola never complained, even if she's in strain, she'd even laugh about it. This brings me to what another cousin said "selfless" how many people do we know can we boldly label as "selfless"?.
Lola and Lolo were also a picture of true filipino grandparent "consintidor" they give in to there grandchildren's whims. My mom told me sometime last year when we talked about Lolo that when I once threw tantrums he scolded her and said "...ibigay ang gusto!". An account I want to share of Lola being consintidor was when I was really young she kept this jar candies on top of her cabinet. My mom was a career woman and strongly reminded Lola not to give me any. That afternoon I was in Lola room alone staring at the jar. She came in and asked "did you finish your food?", "did you sleep after lunch?", "were you a good boy?" in which I all answered yes. She raised her hands and prayed in front on me and as if like magic the candies were in her hands. I realized when I grew older that all those time the candies where in her pockets hehe. Lola was the one who introduced me to "puto bungbong" one sunday after the mass I chose to go home with her and mama went ahead my cousin to the market. She asked me if wanted to it and I am so glad I did. Its one of my favorited now.
Lola was also strong, when Lolo died she had some years to live and she pushed forward to live her life and carry the family. She became what I fondly referred her to Mama as the Grand Matriach of the Cruz clan. She continued supporting me and the rest of her children as the years went. She constantly gave advise, financial assistance and a lot of laughs. She may not be as headstrong as Lolo, she sufficed that as being motherly to the whole family.
When she was stronger and could still talk clearly she entertained us in breakfast with stories of her experiences and just about anything nothing deep. Her experiences also taught us how to go through with life.
Lola's physical strenght waned and then we knew that it was the her twilight. But Lola was still able to crack jokes and give some few laughs. Maybe we just not talking about it but we knew that anytime she was about to leave us. I did not have any picture of the family without her. I was not ready to say goodbye. When she finally left us I did not how to react, I was blank. The day she left I was in denial of the very thing I saw in front me. I turned my back and wanted the day to be normal, the whole week to be normal. It was just catching up on me. I could not do anything. I finally went to the wake and talked to Lola in her coffin. I told her how sorry I was, if I have wronged her, I told her how thankful I am for everything. I appreciate Lola for the life she lived. She is truly the Mother of Cruz clan.
Lolo and Lola lived a very beautiful life and produced very beautiful children. We will move forward with our live with memories and lessons that we have learned from them. When people departs from the physical realm you'd realize no matter how long you grew with them, those years arent really enough to warm up with them. There is just so much more to know, to experience to learn, relationship to build and cultivate.
May the Lord bless the Cruz clans with greater relationship, tighter ties, more love, more trust and a bright future to look forward to.
Thank you Lolo Pang and Lola Mang for the life you lived, for the love you gave and the life you paved way to us.
carpe diem... ü
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