Petals...

I've often wondered if there's Ever been a perfect family I've always longed for undividedness And sought stability A flower taught me how to pray But as I grew that flower changed She started flailing in the wind Like golden petals scattering And I miss you dandelion And even love you And I wish there was a way For me to trust you But it hurts me everytime I try to touch you But I miss you dandelion And even love you I gravitated towards a patriarch So young predictavly I was resigned to spend my life Within a maze of misery A boy and a girl befriended me We're bonded through despondency I stayed so long but finally I fled to save my sanity And I miss you little sis and Little brother And I hope you realize I'll always love you And although you're struggling You will recover And I miss you little sis and Little brother So many I considered Closest to me Turned on a dime and sold me Out dutifully Although that knife was chipping Away at me They turned their eyes away and Went home to sleep And I missed a lot of life But I'll recover Though I know you really like To see me suffer Still I wish that you and I'd Forgive each other 'Cause I miss you, Valentine And really loved you I really loved you- I tried so hard But you drove me away To preserve my sanity- And I found the strength To break away Fly... ~ the problem is that i always that i always look for something that is not there. it does not make sense to whine knowing that you are getting anywhere, when you know from the start that its not meant to be. i've always held this pain and grudge for my family to point of loathing but it only veers me aways from them. but i also try my best to fit it. i dont what my role is or where im supposed to be at , i never asked. life will never be perfect and what i cant just sit and laugh it out. i felt i was never treated well, but when i look to the other characters that exist in the house i know im over reacting. the family has a structure problem to which im part of . well maybe my problem is i dont know how to deal.

~ this would be the second installment of this blog. i wrote one with the same title back in january. the year is close to its end and my feeling for my family has now changed, yes i was bitter and angry. one of my cousins said that there's really no use with aggravating yourself. he's right... my parents who were also wronged advised me to let go and loosen up, and to forgive, they have and they're over it. forgive and forget they say. i don’t believe in it... i can forgive but not forget... but i can forgive, accept and learn. i have forgiven people who have mocked me for not being rich. i have forgiven people who have insulted me for not being the persons they have grown up to be. i have forgiven people for thinking i have no love in my heart and i am indifferent. because i forgave i have accepted the fact that things will not always go your way. i have accepted that people are bounded by culture and their way of thinking. i have accepted that it’s their way not mine. with that acceptance i have learned that words mean nothing but what the speaker meant it to be. i have learned that language does not make a thought but rather thought creates language. i have learned that i am enough and i am worthy but everyone is, right? and now i do not affect myself with negativity as i have said to my friend's boyfriend "it’s not healthy". it'll be a conscious effort for me to maintain positivism in me. there are things that i should do. first is not to aggravate myself with things the ugly things i have no control of. i will surround myself with person with happier dispositions in life. i will refrain from socializing with sensitive, shallow, narrow-minded and touchy individuals that will just irritate me. i will always keep my cool whenever i'm pressured or in a tight situation. i will keep my cool when i am around people i chose not to be with. its fate and you can’t fight it. lastly i will value what is spiritually gratifying over what is material. blessed be... carpe diem...